I basically stayed inside most of the day today because of the wildfires and the air outside was ridiculous. My brother even told me they canceled some games at the park because the air was so bad. I was going to blog a recommendation today, but I can’t. I’m tired! I’m resting. I didn’t do my P90x workout today (oooh)… I know I’m going to pay for that later…

This week was nuts. It started out great. I had a great day on my “Birthday Eve” on Sunday and then my birthday on Monday. Spent time with loved ones, ate junk food, and just forgot about everything that was going on in my life. I thought everything was fine. I thought it was a new start for me. I was positive, I was happy.

Then Tuesday came around – reality check! Problems still there. Confusion hasn’t gone away. Then add to that drama with a person who is unreasonable in each and every way… I stayed calm in front of him because I can’t stand drama and don’t want problems… but as soon as I was in the comfort of my own room… I broke down. I never had a break down like this before. My heart was pounding so hard it seriously felt like my heart was going up my throat. I put my hand on my throat and I felt my heart beating… I’ve never had that happen to me before. My mom felt my throat too and she told me to relax. Same with my boyfriend. He said to relax. Take a hot shower. I did, it didn’t work. I stayed in bed… didn’t go to class. Watched TV to try to get my mind off of everything (I hardly watch TV)… it was bad. I couldn’t relax. I ended up going to sleep… that did the trick.

So I vented to some people. My Mom, boyfriend, a couple friends… and in the process figured some stuff out. I think I figured out that I’m doing too much… I bit off more than I can chew… especially considering some things that are going on in my life that I have no control over. So I decided to change some things that I do have control over. I think I have an idea of what I have to do. (Sorry, I know, can I be any more vague? Lol!) But it would be a major change in my life. I’m honestly kind of excited about it though… it will be a refreshing change.

Some people might not like the decisions I’m making but screw them.