At A Crossroad
Changing things up a bit today. Not recommending or reviewing anything, just venting.
My life has been pretty hectic lately. And it’s not just with the school, work and other personal things going on around here that some of you know about… but it’s much, much more. Lately there’s been a lot of highs and lows, laughs and crying. Too much on my mind. Don’t get me wrong, my life is headed in the right direction. I’m doing everything that I planned on doing, I’ve reached my goals and moved on to the next step/goal. But some things might be changing. I was once so sure that I knew what I wanted… everything was planned and I knew what I had to do to get to where I wanted to be. But now… now that I’m here… I’m not so sure anymore. I’ve been thinking a lot, and reevaluating everything. And it’s not just one part of my life that I’m reevaluating. It’s everything. My personal life, my career, where I live..
When I say ‘where I live’… it’s because I’ve always wanted to leave the city I live in. It’s not the best neighborhood in the world (not the worst either), and well… let’s just say I had to cut quite a few people out of my life in order to better my life. And that led me into wanting to leave the city period… just leave everything behind. But what I didn’t realize is that I cut out a lot of good people in my life, too. I intended on cutting out the negative people in my life, but ended up cutting out mostly everybody… unintentionally… just because they had some connection with the negative people.
My escape was school, my escape was my boyfriend and his city. I was initially thinking that eventually I would like to move out to a nice city close to where he currently lives. We talked about it before. But now, I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to move out there. I might want to stay here. I might want to move to another state, like New York. I’ve always wanted to see NY. I researched it like crazy when I got out of high school, but just eventually forgot about it.
And the whole “where I want to live” thing is just scratching the surface… don’t even let me go deeper into my personal life. Things are changing everyday. What I wanted just a few months ago has drastically changed. I’m not going to go into all of it, it’s just too much.
I’m not so sure about things anymore. It seems like everything is up in the air. But it’s okay, I know that’s life… not everything is set in stone, and that’s fine. It’s just all so confusing. And I’m just trying to figure stuff out… once again.
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RSS FeedThis entry was posted on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008 at 1:59 pm and is filed under Diary, Life, Pictures. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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awww…
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wellcome to the depressed ‘ what’s what I really want ‘ gang! XD.
We all have a lot of moments in which we think about our lifes. Think, but not too much! if not u won’t live (as myself after a year of wondering what to do for my phd hehe)
You’ll find what you want, I’m sure
I hate having to choose too.. Mistakes? Sure. But that’s how we learn, don’t be afraid of making them, hehe, easy to say but not to do …
As you say, that’s life.
And as long as u post awesome pictures as that one ^^ when u feel as venting, do it as much as u want! hahaha jk
Tc <3
PS : another thing that made me think … Cutting out ppl is probably the best way to end up with the ones who really care about you, the number doesn’t matter. If you want to be nice with everybody you will end up with nobody. That’s something that I think I have always done wrong .. T.T
~ Filter everything … you will reach the optimum solution ~ B)
Thanks Dave
At least I know I’m not the only one! And yea you’re right, cutting people out is the best way to end up with the ones who are good for me. So complicated though! lol
Hello Maria,
Random web dude here. Just want to say that traveling can really help out in these situations. I have found that traveling to different cultures really expands the context of the questions and directions. That’s all I have to share, other than saying “I know what you mean”.
Cheers,
Jeff
It takes a lot of courage Maria. Relocating and changing your life is a major decision. Your heart has to be in it or it won’t work. I’m sure the answer will come to you. You’re a bright girl with a bright future. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.
Ro
@JeffMcNeil – that makes sense. Traveling is something that I will definitely consider!
@Rolando – thanks… I know, it’s easier said than done. I’m still thinking about it / working on it. We’ll see where I end up
What does your heart say?
It seems everyone I know is standing at the crossroads in their respective lives right now. You, Dave, Me, Jacky, Yen… I can’t help but conjure up a mental image of all of us standing at an intersection in the middle of nowhere, wondering what to do next (well, except for Yen, who from what little I know of the situation, appears to have made her move). It takes an extraordinary leap of faith or an extraordinary amount of preparedness or a combination of both, and a heaping helping of guts to take the next step.
Ask yourself, deep down in your heart of hearts… what do YOU really want? Then make it happen. And whatever you decide to do, know that all of us support you one billion percent, and you’ll never be going it alone. We’re with you in spirit all the way.